Resident Evil 4: Chronicles Of Leon
by wolfgirl16
Summary: Leon Kennedy has been assigned to find the President's daughter and bring her home safely. Will he be able to do so, or will his moronic senses lead him to failure?
1. And So It Begins

**Resident Evil 4: Chronicles Of Leon**

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in this story except for the story itself.

Summary: Leon Kennedy has been assigned to find the President's daughter and bring her home safely. Will he be able to do so, or will his moronic senses lead him to failure?

* * *

Chapter 1: And So It Begins...

* * *

The mission was simple, or so the President had said. His exact words were, "Alright, new guy, your first mission is an easy one. Find my daughter or else! Or else what, you ask? I'll make you get a hair removal operation for your scalp! Damn, your hair's nice. What shampoo do you use?" Leon cherished his hair a lot, and if he ever went bald, he would surely kill himself, so of course he immediately went to Spain on one of the President's private jets.

"You're looking for the President's daughter, eh?" One of the brunette's escorts asked to break the ongoing silence.

Leon nodded. "Yeah. My first mission."

"Your President is crazy. Sending a newbie on a mission like this. And alone, too. You could die in a place like this, you know? Crazy things have been going on around here lately."

"Let's just say I've had experience before ending up in the President's hands."

"Ah, mi Dios!" The other escort gasped. "Stop the car! I have to piss mucho mal!"

"Fine." The driver stopped the vehicle suddenly, making Leon's face come in contact with the back of his seat. "But make it quick."

The officer hurriedly stepped out of the car and headed over to a bush to relieve himself.

"Oh, that's nice." The agent muttered sarcastically as he watched the officer piss into the mouth of a deceased squirrel.

Five minutes passed and the officer still hadn't returned to the car yet, thus annoying the driver. The brunette agent watched in shock as the officer continued to piss nonstop. By now, the corpse of the squirrel was practically swimming in urine.

"What could be taking him so long?" The driver asked.

"Uh...I have absolutely no idea."

The officer held up a pack of cigarettes. "Want one?"

"No thanks. Don't smoke."

"Pussy." He took one for himself and looked for his lighter. He remembered he left it at home and swore, but left the cigarette between his lips. If he couldn't actually smoke it, he could at least pretend to until he got to some source of fire.

Finally, the other officer stopped urinating and re-entered the vehicle.

"Sorry it took so long." He apologized. "I've been holding that in for DAYS."

"...Is shit like that normal around here?" Leon asked him.

"No. I'm just cool." The escort grinned.

The rest of the trip was in silence, aside from the radio that was playing Spanish songs that Leon had no idea what the singers were singing about, but enjoyed them anyway. He was somewhat annoyed when they reached their destination and he had to exit into the cold autumn atmosphere.

"Good luck, cowboy." The driver joked.

"Yeah, yeah." Before Leon started down the path, a crackle from his radio got his attention. He grumbled and answered.

"Hey, Leon, can you hear me?" The woman on screen asked.

"Yeah. Who are you?"

"I'm Ingrid Hunnigan. I'll be your support for the mission."

"Support? What the hell can you do?"

"Well, I can give you tips and I also can get transportation for you. So basically, if you piss me off, I can leave you stranded there for as long as I want."

"..." Leon decided to change the subject. "The subject's name is Ashley Graham, right?"

"Yeah, and remember that she's the President's daughter, so try to behave yourself."

"No problems there. Leon out." Leon returned his radio to his belt and followed the dirt path, only to stop when a crow came out and thoroughly startled him. He screamed girlishly, thinking it was going to attack him, and shot it until his gun ran out of ammo. Before his eyes, the bird appeared to disintegrate and a box of ammo was left in its place. "Wow..." He picked up the box and examined it. "Spain has THE coolest animals."

The agent found himself in front of a house that looked to be in poor condition. The path to the village was blocked at the moment by a parked truck, so he figured he'd start at the house first. Hoping he'd find some leads at this house, he entered.

"Uh, excuse me?" He asked the only occupant. "I'm looking for this girl. Have you seen her?" He held out a picture of Ashley to the man, but all he did was mutter something in Spanish and went on with his business. "I didn't understand that! As you can clearly see, I'm not Spanish and I failed Spanish class all four years of high school!"

The man grabbed the axe leaning next to the fireplace and swung at Leon, who jumped back just in time.

"Geez! You tell a guy your life story and he tries to kill you!" The brunette withdrew his gun and aimed at the crazed Spaniard as he backed up to the wall. "Freeze!"

The Spaniard, while spitting out Spanish nonsense, paid no heed to Leon's warning. Instead, he held the axe up, ready to strike, and kept inching towards the American.

"I said freeze! Uh...Sit! Stay! Lay down!" When the commands didn't work, the brunette shot the man in the head until he was sure he was dead, then shot him a few more times to be safe. "Damn, that was close..."

The radio buzzed again and Hunnigan's face came on screen once more.

"Is everything okay, Leon?" She asked.

"Hell no! Some guy just tried to kill me! I had to put him down. There are others around here."

"Wow, sucks to be you. Get out of there and head to the village. You need to rescue the subject at all costs, no matter what it takes."

"Oh, sure. You don't care about me, but you care about this Ashley chick. I'm out." He near-pouted as he put his radio away.

The sound of an engine starting got Leon's attention. Staring out the window, he saw the originally-parked truck speeding away down the path he came from with his escorts. Villagers were coming up to the porch, holding weapons and pounding on the door.

"Oh, shit! They know I killed this guy and now they want my flesh!" In a panic, the agent ran upstairs and jumped out the window, only to land in the middle of the group of Ganados. "Oh...shit..."

"Un forastero!" One of the villagers cried, pointing at him.

"You'll never take me alive!" With that said, Leon ran down the path as quickly as he could, back to where the officers were waiting. "Guys! Help! Huh?" He stopped, noting the car was no longer there. "Those assholes! They left without me!" He ran towards the bridge, but paused and for no apparent reason, looked down into the stream. There was the police car, overturned and damaged severely.

The Ganados watched in odd fascination as Leon ran in circles in an absolute panic. They shrugged at each other and advanced on him.

"You're not shoving me down into the river!" The American held up his gun and shot each of the Ganados until nothing was left, save for ammo boxes. "Wow...even the people do that, too!" He merrily picked up the boxes and followed the path leading to the village.

A whimper made him stop. A wolf, which Leon had mistaken for a dog, was caught in a bear trap a few feet away, gnawing at the horrible device in an attempt to free itself.

"Aw...Poor doggie. I'll let you out!" Gently, Leon released the wolf from the torturous trap. The wolf limped out, gave a happy bark, then took off over the nearby fence. "Hey, wait! Come back, you're hurt!" He huffed when the wolf didn't come back. "Stupid dog!"

He continued his way to the village, shooting any Ganados he saw, and even managing to hit a few that were out of sight. Once he got past the gate, he was again radioed by Hunnigan.

"Leon. How ya holding up?" She asked.

"How do you THINK I'm holding up? These people want me dead! If you ask me, I think they're just jealous that I'm the hottest person here."

"Erm, okay then. I'm sending you a playing manual. Hope you find it useful."

"...Why didn't you send me that in the first place?!"

"The President thought you already had one! Sheesh."

"Wait, what's this _playing manual_ for, anyway? Oh, dear God, don't tell me this is actually a video game..." Leon whimpered.

"Of course it's not. We just call it a playing manual because just calling it a manual sounded boring. It tells you stuff like what's going on and how to use your weapons and-"

"I already know all that shit! But thanks for sending it to me, anyway. I might look at it later. Leon out." The brunette withdrew a pair of binoculars and eyed the villagers from a safe distance. They seemed to act normal, but the way they actually looked was beyond the boundaries of normal. "Ew...they're all so ugly. That's odd. Why are they pointing at me and walking in my general direction?" It took him a full ten seconds to realize he was much closer to them than he thought. So close, the Ganados actually heard what he was saying.

"Agárrenlo!" A male with a deep voice cried.

"Holy shit!" The pretty boy ran to the nearest house, slamming the door shut and blocking it with a piece of furniture. He ran upstairs and grabbed whatever weapons he could to fight back with. "Damn, these guys are loaded! I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore." He jumped out the window and landed on the roof of another building, but he was not alone. Some of the Ganados were on the roof and more were climbing up the ladders. "Back! Back, I say!" Leon waved his dagger at them, causing them to stop and stare at him in confusion.

One villager asked another why the hell the American pig was acting like an idiot, to which the other responded by saying that's how American pigs act and they shared a round of snickering and gave each other a high five.

Leon took this as an advantage and jumped off the roof while they were temporarily preoccupied. As he was about to look for another place to hide, that was when he saw it. Tied to a stake in the burning flames was one of the police officers who escorted him to the outskirts of the village. In fact, if he could recall, it was the one who pissed Niagara Falls in the dead squirrel's pie hole. Or maybe the one who drove. He wasn't really paying attention to who was whom. He stared at the burning corpse, not knowing whether he should start panicking, continue with the mission, or just say, "Screw this." and order Hunnigan to send him some means of transportation home.

The Ganados took Leon's daze as a good chance to attack, and as they neared him, a sound made them stop.

"Church bells?" The American agent asked himself, now out of his daze.

All of the Ganados lowered their weapons and entered the church, uttering quietly, "Lord Saddler..."

Leon, now alone, looked around him. "What's up with that? Is it bingo night or something? Hell, it's not even night! Weird people." He almost growled in annoyance when he heard the radio buzz again. "Hunnigan, this is just about the millionth time you've radioed me!"

"Sorry, just trying to keep an eye out for you. Everything okay?"

"Not really. I just found one of my escorts burning in the bonfire in the middle of this village. What the hell is wrong with the people here? Are they on drugs or something? I bet it's drugs. They always said at school drugs are bad for you, and it looks like they were actually right."

"Leon, you need to get out of there. Look for a tower. There should be a trail near it."

"What do I do with the trail?"

Hunnigan came very close to smacking her forehead. "Follow the trail, Leon."

"Oh! I knew that. Leon out." The brunette searched all around him, looking in every direction except behind him. "Where's this tower she mentioned?" He finally did turn around. "Oh! There it is." He took the path Hunnigan told him of, but not before looting all the houses first, and exited through the gate.

* * *

I know. There've been at least a million RE4 parodies done, but what makes this one different is...it's the best! XD But seriously, I felt like doing my own. As you will see in the following chapters, RE4:COL will be linked to my other fanfic, Mission: Almost Impossible, in various ways. In other words, this sort of counts as a 'prequel' to M:AI.

Yeah, as you can see, Resident Evil 4: Chronicles Of Leon was the best name I could come up with, lol. Oh, well. It's WAY better than the millions of others I came up with. Trust me.

Oh, and the thing with the wolf. I understand it was a dog Leon rescued from the bear trap, but I changed it to a wolf because...well, you'll see why later.


	2. The Name's Luis Sera

**Resident Evil 4: Chronicles Of Leon**

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in this story except for the story itself.

Summary: Leon Kennedy has been assigned to find the President's daughter and bring her home safely. Will he be able to do so, or will his moronic senses lead him to failure?

* * *

Chapter 2: The Name's Luis Sera

* * *

Leon proudly marched down the path towards the next area. Back in the barnyard, he was able to sneak past all the Ganados who appeared to be too busy farming to notice him. After robbing them blind, he slipped out the gate.

Up above the agent on a ledge, three Ganados attempted to push a large, rounded boulder off to crush the American, but it seemed the boulder was heavier than expected. Try as they might, it wouldn't budge. They kicked it, yelled at it, and one of them even bashed it with his head in order to move it, only to result in an instant death.

"Imbécil!" One of the other Spaniards kicked the now-deceased one's body.

"Is this what death's like?" Leon asked himself as he strode down the tunnel, collecting spinals as he did so. "If it is, I'm gonna be one rich bitch when I reach the light." Once he stepped out of the tunnel, he was bombarded with sticks of dynamite and quickly took off towards the large house for shelter. He found the front door was locked and, in a state of panic, screamed and jumped through a closed window instead.

The dynamite wielding Ganado just stared on in confusion before rubbing his head and saying, "...Coño." The dynamite he held in his hand was lit and before he could remember it was still burning, it blew up, leaving nothing but a box of ammo.

"Hello?" Leon called out. "Anyone here? Ashley? Anyone?" When he received no answer but silence, he shrugged and ventured deeper into the house, making sure not to fall for any traps. Every time he came upon an explosive wire, he, for the hell of it, limboed underneath it. He never knew he was so flexible.

After thoroughly robbing the home, he noticed a shelf blocking a doorway, along with some sort of banging noise coming from beyond it. Curiosity, and the need to steal more things, got the best of him and he shoved the shelf out of the way to investigate. He was thoroughly pissed there didn't seem to be anything left to steal, and that's when he noticed the wardrobe. That was where the banging was coming from. Leon, being the brave agent he is, unlocked it and quickly pulled the door open, only to have a bound and gagged man fall to his feet.

"Holy crap!" The pretty boy cried. "There was some bondage shit going on around here!"

The man on the floor glared at him, mumbling words through the tape over his mouth. He shook his head, trying to physically tell the agent to take the tape off. Leon complied, ripping it off abruptly and causing the bound man to scream.

"Couldn't you have done that less painfully, amigo?" The man asked.

"Maybe." He turned the man over and began undoing the ropes around his wrists.

"You're...not like them?"

"Do I LOOK that ugly to you?"

"No."

"Then I'm not one of them!"

The Spaniard rolled over once the ropes were off and sat up. "That's better. Okay, I have something very important to ask you. So important that you won't even believe it. So important that it might take you a second to think it over. So important that-"

"Just ask me the damn question!" The brunette agent growled.

"You got a smoke?"

"...I have gum."

The man shrugged. "Eh, I can always light that and smoke it, too."

The two men heard footsteps and no sooner than they were alerted, two Ganados stood before them. They were followed shortly by a very large man in a trench coat.

"Wow..." Leon stared at the man in awe. "That's gotta be the tallest guy ever...Who is he?"

"The big cheese." The Spaniard replied.

"So...is he a good guy or a bad guy?"

"Malo. Very, VERY bad."

The agent nodded. "Right." Instantly, he was up on his feet. He made a mad dash to the overly tall man and preformed a spin kick, only to have his foot grabbed by the _big cheese_. He was thrown, as if lightweight, into the once-bound Spaniard and both fell hard into the wardrobe, breaking it. The impact caused both to fall into unconsciousness.

"Damn, I never knew my own strength." The large man stared at his hand in amazement.

* * *

"Hmm..." The robed man smirked deviously under his hood at the two unconscious men. He had total control over them for the time being, and he was about to use that time wisely. He motioned for a smaller robed figure to start the 'operation'. He watched bemusedly as the robed man injected the Las Plagas into the American's neck, but frowned when he noticed something odd about the syringe. He gasped when he realized what was wrong. "Imbécil! That was grape soda!"

The smaller robed man was about to ask why there was grape soda in the syringe in the first place, but decided against it. One more smart comment out of him and he would have to sleep outside with the farm animals for a week. Instead, he went to fetch the correct needle. He returned a minute later, double checking to make sure he had the correct syringe.

"Feeble humans..." The taller Spaniard smiled again. "Lets us give you...our power." He chuckled as the syringe was inserted into Leon's neck. "Soon, you'll be unable to resist this _intoxicating _power..."

* * *

Leon's head snapped up with a gasp when he awoke, hitting the back of his head on the Spaniard's. The man woke up with a start, slightly disoriented from the impact of Leon's head.

"Ay, that hurt..." The Spaniard grumbled. He went to rub his head, but felt something like rope restraining his movement.

"Can you tell me what the hell is going on around here?"

"Americano, si? What brings a guy like you to this neck of the woods?" He groaned in pain when Leon made the ropes around his wrists twist. "Okay, I'll tell you! Whoever you are."

"The name's Leon. Who the hell are you?"

"Me llamo Luis. Luis Sera."

"Nice to meet ya, Louis." He began digging into his back pocket for something.

"Luis." He corrected the American.

"Whatever." He pulled the item he was looking for out and held it to the side enough for Luis to see it. "Have you seen this girl? I'm looking for her."

"Looking for a girlfriend?" Luis laughed. "But seriously, are you some kind of cop or something? You don't look the type."

"Don't look the type? I'm a hot-ass muscle-bound beefcake! How's that not _the type_?"

The Spaniard shrugged. "I dunno. I guess because you don't normally see a lot of hot cops around, you know? I used to be a cop. Back when I was in Madrid."

"Why'd you quit?"

"Nobody really appreciates someone putting their life on the line anymore. Besides, the pay was low and I was assigned to use one of the beat up squad cars because all the good ones were taken. Damn, that thing could only go about four miles an hour. In the snow, you wouldn't believe how slow it was. Hell, it was faster for me to go out and push it. I mean-"

"Okay, I get it! Now, have you seen this girl or not?"

"Let me guess. That's the President daughter, right?"

The agent glanced at Luis over his shoulder. "Too good for a guess. Mind explaining yourself?"

"Psychic powers."

Leon's eyes grew wide in fear. He had always been paranoid about psychic people due to the fact that they can read minds. All of someone's innermost thoughts completely exposed, leaving them vulnerable. The agent's mind betrayed him and made him think dirty thoughts, which he combated by loudly humming the theme song to Mission: Impossible in his head.

"Nah, just kidding."

"Don't scare me like that, you asshole!" He rammed the back of his head into Luis' as payback.

"Ow! Ugh, that hurts. But anyway, I heard from one of the villagers that the President's daughter is being held in the church."

"Anything else?"

"Nope. Sorry."

A metallic dragging sound drew the two men's attention to the doorway. A Ganado trudged in, dragging a rusty axe behind him.

"Holy crap!" Luis cried. "Do something, cop!"

"Me?! YOU do something!" Leon retaliated.

The villager grunted as he lifted the axe over his head. With a shout, he swung it downwards. At Leon's shout of, "Now!" both bound men rolled, causing the axe to cut the ropes binding them together. The villager, now pissed that they made him miss, turned in the agent's direction and raised the axe once more. However, Leon was quicker and kicked the crazed Spaniard over him, right into the wall. The Ganado's neck snapped when he landed on the floor.

"Whoo!" The American sat up.

"Must...run!" In a flash, Luis bolted out the door.

"Hey, where are you going?!" Leon called after him. "Fine, be a coward!" He stood and brushed himself off. His attention was drawn to his radio when it began to beep.

"Leon, what happened? I tried contacting you three times and you never answered!" Hunnigan said.

"Sorry about that. I was a bit tied up." Leon chuckled at his little joke. "I found a man being held captive. He told me Ashley's in a church somewhere."

"Where is he now?"

"He ran away like a little girl."

"I see. Do you have any idea where this church is?"

"Not a clue, but it seems there's a hidden path in the village that leads there. I'm going back to the village." With that, he ended transmission and left. A "Psst" from the window alerted him. He turned and found a cloaked man standing there.

"Over here, strangah." The man motioned with his head for Leon to follow him and walked out of view.

Leon, thinking he might be a good guy like Luis, followed after him, climbing through the window instead of taking the door. He found him on the other side of the house, standing next to a blue-flamed torch.

"Got something you might be interested in." He said, then tore open his cloak. He wondered why Leon was staring at him so oddly and looked down, finding that he accidentally tore open his clothes, too. With a nervous chuckle, he closed the cloak again, then opened it carefully, exposing all the weapons and healing items he was carrying.

"Whoa..." The brunette stared in awe.

"What are ya buyin'?" The merchant asked.

"Uh..."

"I also give weapon upgrades, strangah."

"Oooh! I'll take that! The weapon upgrade thing!" He handed his handgun to the merchant. "Oh!" He pulled his knife out. "Can you upgrade this, too?"

"...That's a knife, strangah."

"Yeah."

"...You can't upgrade a knife, strangah."

"...Could ya try?"

"..." The merchant merely turned away for a second. When he turned back, he held the gun out to the American. "That'll be 800 pesetas."

"You're done already?! Damn, we need more service like that in America." He paid the merchant and took back his gun.

"Come back any time." The merchant said as the agent turned to leave.

Leon, feeling more confident than before, kicked open the gate and saw before him a large canyon with Ganados everywhere. All he could say in response to what he saw was, "Oh...shit..."

* * *

Chappy 3 will be comin' up soon! XD

Has anyone else noticed that Leon pronounces Luis' name as "Louis" in the game? I mean, sure, they're pretty much the same name and all, but I don't think they're supposed to be pronounced the same. But that's just one little author's opinion... :D


	3. Same Blood Type?

**Resident Evil 4: Chronicles Of Leon**

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in this story except for the story itself.

Summary: Leon Kennedy has been assigned to find the President's daughter and bring her home safely. Will he be able to do so, or will his moronic senses lead him to failure?

* * *

Chapter 3: Same Blood Type?

* * *

Leon panted heavily as he sat on the bed. He was now in another house, most likely that of the village chief from what he gathered. He ran all the way there from the place he and Luis found themselves in, thinking it would be smarter to run than to shoot down ALL those Ganados.

He searched the room after a quick rest, discovering a box of ammo and a key in the various drawers. He continued ransacking the room until there was nothing of importance left and exited the room.

A conversation was going on in Spanish somewhere nearby, but Leon took no interest in it due to his severe lack of knowledge of the Spanish language. He turned around to return to the previous room and suddenly found a hand at his throat. The agent felt himself being lifted off of the floor.

The village chief couldn't help but notice Leon's eyes turn red before he threw the American to the ground.

"You carry the same blood as us, it seems." The taller man blankly stated. "Either that, or you need some of that Clear Eyes stuff. I think it may be a little of both. Nevertheless, you're an outsider. Just remember, if you become unpleasant to our eyes, you'll be faced with severe consequences." With that said, Bitorez left. While his back was turned, Leon replied to the nonsense he just said with his middle finger.

"Same blood?" The brunette asked himself, standing up. "Does that mean he has the same blood type as me or something? How does he know what my blood type is?! Is he...psychic?" Once again, fear coursed through the agent's body and he was prepared to run. His radio going off stopped him, though. The noise startled him enough to make him let out a quick yell.

"Leon, I've got some new info that might help you out." Hunnigan reported.

"Is it anything about the people here being psychic?"

"...No. There's a religious group involved in all this. They're called the Los Illuminados."

"Los Illuminados? Huh, sounds like a brand of flashlights or something."

"Actually, the cult sells flashlights under the same brand name to get finances for their church." Hunnigan held up a flashlight. "These things work great."

"Really? Wow. Anyway, I just had a run in with _the big cheese_ of the village."

The woman looked concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. He certainly could've killed me, but he didn't."

"Maybe it's because you're so handsome."

Leon raised a brow. "Pardon?"

"Erm, I said...Bye!" Instantly, the transmission was ended.

The pretty boy stared oddly at his radio before returning it to his belt. "Women..."

* * *

"Hmm..." Leon looked at the key he held, then the insignia on the door, then back at the key again. It kept on for two minutes until something finally clicked in Leon's mind. It was the key to open the door. He unlocked the door and kicked it open. As if he knew where he was going, the agent went directly to the trap door and jumped down.

To his surprise, he found the merchant, waiting just down the path.

"Welcome, strangah!" He greeted.

"...How the hell did you get here?"

"..." The merchant quickly opened his cloak. "What're ya buyin'?"

"I don't need to buy anything right now."

"What're ya sellin'?"

"I'm not selling-"

"What're ya buyin'?"

"I'm leaving!" The agent stormed away. Very soon after his encounter with the merchant, Leon stumbled upon a graveyard. Beyond that, the church stood tall. "Whoo! I found it!" He ran towards the door and tried to open it, but to his dismay, it was locked. "Oh, God damn it!" Idiotically, he figured the key he used earlier could be used on the church and tried it, but failed. He took note of the depression in the door before heading down the path to the side of the church, eyeing the broken down path in front of him and the ocean far down below him worriedly.

* * *

The agent found himself at a lakeside, gazing over the water's surface through the lenses of his binoculars. His eyebrow quirked up suspiciously when he caught sight of two villagers in a boat, apparently getting ready to toss something overboard. He zoomed in, and what he saw next made him almsot have a panic attack. He saw the thing they were dumping overboard was his other escort, bound and unmoving. He almost dropped his binoculars in surprise, but somehow managed to keep them in hand. The Ganados jumped up and high fived each other before driving out of view in their motorboat, their expressions of sudden horror.

"What were they doing with-" Leon was interrupted when he saw an impressive area of water around the cop start to shake violently, then something arose from the depths of the murky lake. There was too much water in the air for Leon to see what it was, but it had to have been of a very massive size. Leon yelled, dropping his expensive binoculars into the water below. It was not the creature that scared him, but when he clicked together why the Ganados left in a hurry and had dumped the body in the lake instead of burning the police officer with his friend.

The lake monster was hungry.

"Oh, my God!" The brunette ran back to the path and hid in one of the small shacks to calm down. When he regained his composure, he continued down the path and stared in horror at the dock that lay before him and the motorboat that sat in the water beside it. No other way around the lake or a safer way to cross it. Just that tiny little motorboat.

As he was about to turn back, Leon remembered the President's threat of a hair removal operation and the later threat of not paying him at all if he failed to do his mission. Reluctantly, he boarded the board and started towards the small patch of land on the other side of the lake. So far, nothing bad was happening to him, so he began to relax a little and enjoy what little scenery there was to enjoy. The monster was probably full anyway, or else it probably would've gotten him while he was still standing on the dock. It was almost like a kid getting a shot. After the initial terror due to thoughts of how much the shot will hurt and actually getingt the shot, they get a nice lollipop and after taking the first few licks, they realize it wasn't so bad. Hell, even worth it as long as they got the lollipop in the end. The sight of that thing was the initial fear, and the semi-enjoyable and so-far-safe boat ride was his lollipop. He wasnn't sure what in between those two was the shot.

Leon looked around him when he felt a disturbance in the water. Just when he passed it off as his imagination, the lake monster erupted from the water, roaring in hunger. The force from it hitting the water when it came back down was so much, the boat jumped. The brunette screamed and held tightly onto the boat, very close to falling out of it when it landed back on the surface of the lake. Panicked, he reached for the boat's steering lever. Unbeknownst to him, the grappling hook attached to the boat via a rope had been knocked overboard and penetrated the salamander-like creature's flesh.

"Must get out of- Whoa!" The agent gasped when the boat started going in a different direction at a much quicker speed. Del Lago appeared at the surface again, swimming around frantically. That's when Leon saw the grappling hook digging into the oversized fish's skin. "Hey! Let go of my boat!" He shouted at the swimming creature, though it didn't seem to listen. He figured he'd emphasize his point by tossing the harpoons by his side at it. The harpoons definitely did some damage, but also pissed Del Lago off.

In retaliation, the creature took a sharp turn and swam towards the boat, jaws wide open.

"Holy shit!" The pretty boy cried. At once, he did whatever he could to stop Del Lago from coming any closer. He threw harpoons and grenades, he shot at it, he even tore the motor itself off the boat and threw it at the fish. The motor did some critical damage, as a few seconds later, the lake monster was floating upside down on the surface, then sank rapidly to the bottom. With a gasp, Leon turned to where the rope was tied to the boat, only to see it was now wrapped around his ankle. It tightened fast, but before he could be pulled under, Leon cut the rope off.

"I did it!" He jumped up, fists in the air. His moment of celebration was ruined when he faced where the motor used to be. "Damn it!" He kneeled at the front of the now-motorless boat and used his arms to paddle. By the time he reached the shore, his arms were tired and he himself was exhausted from the encounter with Del Lago. He'd just made it off the dock when he coughed harshly into his hand. A brief glance at his palm shown bright red blood staining his black glove. A sharp pain entered his gut, causing the agent to moan in pain. He staggered into the nearby shack, having some hope that maybe Luis or even the merchant was there to help him. No one was there, though. He collapsed onto the floor, grunting as his muscular frame hit the floor.

_

* * *

_

Leon awoke with a start, banging his head on a piece of furniture. He rubbed his head and looked around to see where he was. Still in the shack by the lake.

"Damn, what a horrible dream." He gave a small laugh. The pain from before abruptly struck at full force, turning the laugh into a throaty gasp. "Oh, damn!" The pretty boy gripped at his stomach, groaning. He was startled when he saw bloody veins running across his skin smoothly, increasing in number by the second. "Oh, no...I've been cursed like Eileen!"

* * *

"No!" Leon cried out as he sat up, banging his head on a piece of furniture. "Ow!" He looked around, noting he was still in the shack by the lake. "Damn, that was a horrible dream." He laughed a little, then froze when he knew the pain was about to come. He braced himself for it, but nothing happened. He raised his hands to his face, watching to see if something would happen, but nothing did.

The radio cackled, and when he went to answer it, he found Hunnigan's worried face staring back at him.

"Leon, what happened to you? It's been six hours since I last heard from you and I was getting worried." She asked.

"I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy and I guess I passed out."

"Don't EVER make me worry like that again, Leon!" Hunnigan growled.

Leon jumped back, visibly shaken. "I'm sorry." He said meekly.

"Oops. Sorry about that. Totally unprofessional of me." She laughed sheepishly. "Maybe your dizziness and loss of consciousness had to do with had the village chief said?"

"...That I need Clear Eyes?"

"What? No. The thing about you having the same blood as them."

"What does my blood type have to do with anything?!"

"I don't think that's what he...Oh, never mind. Good luck on your mission." Hunnigan ended transmission.

"Hunnigan's weird." The brunette declared as he replaced his radio. He returned to the dock to board the boat again and head over to the other part of the lake that he saw closed off earlier. He knew the lake was safe now because he could see a green light coming from the water where Del Lago was last seen alive, an obvious sign he was nothing but a healing item now.

Five minutes later of nothing but arm-paddling, Leon was aware that the closed off entrance he saw earlier was now clear. He decided to venture in and see what was so important about it. There he found the merchant again.

"How'd you get here?! This is the only motorboat available!" The agent exclaimed, staring flabberghasted at the mysterious man.

"That's not important, strangah." The merchant laughed. "What're ya buyin'?"

"I need my gun upgraded some more and I'd like some nachos."

"Alrighty, strangah." The merchant took Leon's gun and turned to tinker with it on the table, then turned back around, now also holding a small plate of nachos. "That'll be 1,000 pesetas, strangah."

"Are you kidding me?! Do those nachos cost 200 pesetas or something?!"

"No. The higher the upgrade, the more out your wallet, strangah. It's common knowledge."

"Right, sure." Leon paid the merchant and took the gun and plate of nachos with him. "Thanks."

"Come back anytime." The merchant waved good bye.

Leon soon found it hard to paddle with one hand while using the other to eat. He ate quicker than he wanted to and paddled back to shore like mad. He kicked the boat for not having a back up motor and exited the area. In the next, he found a Ganado walking towards him in the distance.

"Great." The agent muttered. "Another villager. Damn, how many people LIVE in this village?! It's so tiny!"

The villager began to shake, almost inhumanly as would a paranormal being in a horror movie, and in a second, his head exploded. It was soon replaced by what looked like a mutated plant or fungi of some sort.

"Whoa!" Leon cried. "Night of the living plant people!" He picked up a heavy rock and threw it at the Ganado, making the odd head explode. "Wow, that was CLOSE. Gee, I wonder what other weird shit I'm gonna find."

* * *

Wow, I finished this chapter pretty quick. Yay, me!

As for that Eileen thing earlier, only people who've played Silent Hill 4 will get the reference, but I'll explain for those of you who don't know. In SH4, the lady you have to protect during the second half of the game, Eileen, will be cursed if she attains too much damage and/or is left alone for too long. You can tell she's cursed because you can see blood coursing across her skin. It's really quierd. XD

That's, like, another thing that makes RE4 and SH4 seem similar!


End file.
